we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how drunk are you?
Several
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
