I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
