My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
