I think I died a long time ago.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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