haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
