Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
