If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
