she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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