honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
