toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
