I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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