I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
