you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
