I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
