He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
