I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
