At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
