When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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