My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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