i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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