she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
