Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
