i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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