it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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