I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
