"it" just moved
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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