Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
