I think my fart just growled at me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
