my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
