You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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