dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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