hell yes lets make some ravioli
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize