Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
