The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
