alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
