My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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