what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize