I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
