Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
me + whiskey = a bad person
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
