I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
