So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
