i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
