went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's the barista slut.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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