Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
