If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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