It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do vagina's smell?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize