I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
