Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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