last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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