I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
