Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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