i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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