my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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