he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize