Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
