We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
