My hand turned me down
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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