the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
