I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The beer is more important than you right now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
