Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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