oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
