I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
