She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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