You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so let's talk penis.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
