im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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