Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
