YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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