Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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