I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
