How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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