it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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