Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
thus making me awesome and them whores
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
